4:19 AM

Dear Diary
 I just woke up from a rather depressing dream. I don’t know where I was but I was putting together some kind of musical presentation. The whole thing was perfectly formed in my head, but no one could play the music or perform the dance that went with it.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have talent or the ability to hear the music in my head, but I did, but there was no way I could share it with others.

 Of course this is real life for me. I can listen to Mozart in my head, but cannot play an instrument. I have wickedly funny ideas for cartoons, but cannot draw and I don’t have an audience, even if I could. Why do I have to be broken?
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 Well, I have had interesting dreams before, but this has to be the first time I have ever needed to start an article in the middle of the night. Also, this is the first time I have wanted to talk about this.

 “God Doesn’t Make Junk”, I have come to dislike this euphemism. People usually say this for one of two reasons. Sometimes it is meant as a palliative, to comfort. It can also be accusatory as in, “God doesn’t make mistakes, therefor it must be your fault”.

 I don’t know if anyone else ever feels like this or not. Its sort of like the movie Amadeus. In the movie,  Salieri was portrayed as a composer who could appreciate the sublime beauty of  Mozart’s music but felt pain because he could not produce the music himself.

There is a movie about a girl who learned to ice skate as part of  a science project. She wanted to see if physics could be adapted to enhance skating ability.  As she learned how to skate, she found she loved skating more than anything else. I experienced her joy as she performed for the crowd.

 That is what I want, maybe not to make music or skate, but maybe just not be broken. Perhaps what I want is a life that isn’t a jumbled ball of “I can’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if in some minor insignificant way you could look an me and see the Creator who made me. I would like that. How about a place where everyone there could sing, dance, or do whatever pleases their Creator,without any restrictions or limitations. I know, we can call this place Heaven.