I survived the Jule Miller Filmstrips.

 

I Survived the Jule Miller filmstrips (You can too)

          I was totally surprised recently when I discovered another artifact from my childhood still exists. This is something you would only remember if you grew up in the Church of Christ as I did.

          When I was a child, videos were called filmstrips (or dink-dink movies). The pictures were synchronized to the audio presentation using a tone signal to advance the filmstrip.

 The technology isn’t the important thing of course, but it is part of the memory. My church owned a series of these filmstrips on the gospel, the church, and related subjects. One of these was the infamous “5 steps” presentation. It reduced the gospel to a procedure that must be obeyed precisely, or else. Yes, we were very big on the “or else.”

There probably weren’t many displays of John 3:16 back then. I think if we were honest, Exo 24 9-11was our mantra. Anytime someone would question what we were doing or suggest something new, old Nadab and Abihu would be called upon to end the challenge. The Jule Miller filmstrips were diligent about referencing the toasted pair. You might say they were a “hot” item.

One of the old C of C lines was “we speak where the bible speaks and is silent where the bible is silent. The C of C came out of the Restoration Movement aka the Stone/Campbell movement. They were seeking to restore the pattern of the First Century church.

The problem was the First Century church had difficulties to begin with. That should be obvious from Corinthians and the other books of the NT. The main flaw was that restoring a pattern is not restoring a living dynamic relationship with Christ. That is what matters.

The early Christians came together because it was necessary to maintain their faith and to combine their spiritual gifts for the good of the Body. That hasn’t changed.

I remember a time when I was criticized for attending a church that served meals after services. Yes, this was a big thing. Standard penalty for the transgression I assume. When I mentioned that a friend had become a Christian and I was very happy for her they looked at me as though I had committed an unforgiveable sin. If they could see how I have changed over the years and as a woman was finding a voice in my writing, I am sure they would petition the Supreme Court for permission to burn me at the stake. No doubt as they lit the fire, they would remind me that God loves me.

7/26/21 4:23 AM

     I woke up 30 min ago. Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I turned on the light over kitchen sink and sat down at my computer, This was a time when I could feel the darkness closing in on me and it felt like sleep was my enemy.

    It had been a most depressing Sunday, and my anxieties were still in control. I looked around on Youtube and ran into someone who was asking the very same question as I was. Why is it we never seem to acknowledge suffering in church.

    Bible study has value of course, but today was another day I sat in church feeling isolated from what was going on. I could almost wish I was with a group of early Christians, in a cave hiding from Roman soldiers. At least we would all be concerned about the same things and be looking to each other for strength. 

    Church is a lonely place for me. It just seems sometimes there is nothing being said that can reach me where I am at. This makes me feel even more isolated. Is this my fault? Could be,  I don't know.

    Amy Grant has a wonderful song where she sings about the total trainwreck of a day she is having, but the way she does it is a beautiful expression of faith. You mean God could actually be waiting at the bottom of my pit of despair if I were willing to look for Him? Funny we never talk about stuff like that.

Memories

 Memories

I was born in October 1951. Even at my current age there is a great deal I remember about the time. There was McCarthyism, overt racism, and a Church of Christ much different from what it is now.

There were these filmstrips I called “dink dink movies” (because of the tones used to synchronize the filmstrip with the audio track). There were these 5 steps you had to go through to be a Christian. Don’t know what would happen if you forgot a step or got them out of order. Its how I think. 

They called it the Holy Ghost instead of the Holy Spirit. Yes, it was called an “it”. They never explained what it did, but they were very adamant about what it didn’t do. I am sure you can imagine what I thought  as a child. Was its name Casper?

I will tell you a secret. Even small children remember things that stay with them forever. For me there were the inconsistencies. A vivid memory of my grandmother condemning a girl at church who got pregnant. I am sure the girl didn’t need my grandmother to tell her she made a mistake. I am also sure compassion would have been better than being shamed.

That was the way pregnant girls were treated. They were “sent away” or completely disowned by their families. Some of the girls commited suicide. Some had “coat hanger abortions”. Oh, you wouldn’t want to be the child either. Trust me, I know. Some of the objections of birth control was that the girls wouldn’t have to suffer for their sins. Couldn’t have that, could we?  Doesn’t matter how much you suffer though, God loves you.

I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I grew up thinking I had done something to make God mad at me. Anytime something went wrong I believed it was God punishing me. God invents sin, finds everyone guilty, threatens them with Hell, but again He loves you. So much better if there wasn’t a God to begin with.

Things changed. The Church of Christ changed, and most important, I changed. I embraced being transgendered and I have some good church friends. God accepts who I am and of course He knew about it all along. I just had to accept Him.

Does the Bible say anything about being transgendered. Nothing I know of, but that doesn’t stop some people. Just pick a few verses out of context, ignore basic grammar or contrary verses and you too can be an official Gatekeeper of the Faith. Don’t want to let the wrong kind of people in, do we? Yes, Jesus died for our sins, but only for those of us who deserve it. We get salvation the old fashioned way, we earn it.  

I don’t know. I am not a bible scholar and I cannot tell you if the claims of scriptural error are true or not. The word homosexual did not appear in scripture until recent times. Funny, I didn't see the scripture where God destroyed Sodom because Sally moved in with Jane.  Looked for a "Thou shalt not" for being transgendered but never found one. Its real easy to make something up though.

Will just go with what I know. I'm looking for mercy, not judgment. Not just for me, but everyone who needs it. I didn't say deserve because sometimes I don't.

2020

 2020

"When one has been angry for a very long time and becomes used to it, it becomes comfortable like old leather, and finally it becomes so familiar that you cannot imagine being any other way." 

                                                        Jean Luc Picard - STTNG: The Wounded

I doubt anyone will ever forget this past year. Not only have we been plunged into the pandemic, but we have faced unprecedented civil unrest. We have had armed protest groups attacking the very public officials trying to protect the public from the Covid virus. We have also seen innocent Black civilians being killed by police.

On Jan 7th, Joe Biden has been certified as the next president of the United States. However, 4 lives were lost when Trump supporters attempted an armed insurrection in Washington DC.

I do not understand any of this. There is nothing in my understanding that explains any of this to me, except perhaps one thing. For the first time in my life I have seen the hard reality of sin.

It would be easy to sit in my home and think of myself as more intelligent and morally superior to those who indulge in racist and political violence, except I am not. There is a reason I keep the quote from Star Trek handy. My anger against social injustice and the supporters of Donald Trump is strong. 

Yes, I could sit here and congratulate myself for never having resorted to violence or wanting to. It doesn't mean I don't ever feel intense anger against those I believe deserve it or blame God for what is happening.